A Gentle Pinch! – From younger self to grown-up!

By Charmi Jagani

Co-Founder @StackDot

Photo Credit: Cyril Rolando

There is something mysteriously magical in this universe that keeps affecting the human spirit. Somehow, using some reason, for some amount of time you can pretend (mostly to yourself) that you are as normal as others around, you pretend that you are fully satisfied with whatever is happening, or at least you don't mind, you pretend that everything is okayy, you even convince yourself as if this is the only and most feasible possibility of living a peaceful life!

Just because there is something mysteriously magical in this universe that keeps affecting the human spirit, to avoid the suffering of not knowing 'the why' you choose to get engaged in certain 'things'. What are those 'things'? Is it something like a job? or family? or future goals? or success? or perfect figure? or money? or something else?! We'll think about it later. you can't be clear when you are confused, and people like us are mostly confused!! Let's keep that aside for a while!

When was the last time you laughed like hell!? When you allowed yourself to roll on the floor while laughing because you couldn't control it, laughing with total freedom without thinking how ugly it might look! Laughing endlessly until you cry! When?! Just a moment before you read it? An hour? A day? A week? A month? or a year or more or just don't remember?! Let's keep that aside for a while! Because there is something mysteriously magical in this universe that keeps affecting the human spirit!

Seems like something is being faded, I don't know what is it, but there is something that doesn't let us cry while reading a book anymore, or while watching a movie, (remember 'Tamasha?!'), or songs like from 'Rockstar-nadaan parinde' or crying over listening to ravindrababu's poems in Gulzar's voice! When was the last time you cried while writing something in your self journal, did you write even recently?! Rather than crying at one of the most stupid things like an Indian wedding, you used to cry over something that can beautifully touch your heart. We must cry not to show off, not because it is a ritual, not because we are alone or abandoned, we must cry like hell when we feel it's time to clean our souls. So that we can look at life more preciously, with fire, with passion, with more intense dreams, and glory, and dignity, and love for self! Because we know without knowing the why that there is something mysteriously magical in this universe that keeps affecting the human spirit! But let's keep that aside for a while!

Do you remember you met that Christian 'dadi' who was living at church? How gracefully she was talking about her experiences of living in the jungle as a monk with lions and deer! How you wandered here and there in search of something that you didn't know what and why! The meeting with kishorchandraji, the meeting with a gentleman at Vivekanand Library, going to find vanraj uncle - the writer, going to swami-narayan sabha with priyansi, going to swadhyay kendra, going to cycling at green-city not to lose weight but just to seat over a 'bhutiya jevi' wall to see the beautiful sunset, listening to the prayer of school in 'chhupa-vesh'! Or reading 'vivekanand na patro' in physics lecture, laughing over 'kshati', and thinking about vivekanand for hours, going to motibaug, going to bhavnath road and listening lion's roar, going to swami mandir, going to bilnath temple for meditation, going to bhavnath bramhakumaris, and all other wonders I may forget to state here! All these events are not anything from a fancy partiholic's bucket, who just meet and eat and gossip. If you look closely at your experiences it's nothing more or less than a humble attempt in search of something to enlighten your entire existence in a way that can completely transform the rhythm of your throbbing spirit! So that the soul can dance! So that each grain of our blood can get intoxicated and we go insane as far as possible up to forever! So that we can dare to look at life in a way no ordinary heart can ever observe! So we can dare to go beyond our existential frontiers! Simply to the most adventurous journey any human can ever have! The journey of our firing Spirit! The Journey of Spirituality! Because we know there is something mysteriously magical in this universe that keeps affecting the human spirit! But let's keep that aside for a while!

By the time you got super engaged in those 'things,' I mentioned earlier. Not because you are grown up now, or became so practical, or matured! Let's ask our heart 'Is everything Alright!?' Our heart may choose not to respond or even worse it may respond with the fake 'yes'! But the heart won't yell of the heavenly joy of living with full ecstasy of our own existence! Because you kept all those things aside, those used to fire the soul with tears of joy! Somehow you convinced your (innocent?!) self for living as ordinary as possible, so that you can avoid the impulsions of the spirit that drive you crazy, the spirit that knows truly that there is something mysteriously magical in this universe that keeps affecting the human spirit!

What else you can do?! You know how deeply you are in the affection of life of spirits! You know if at least - even once you will allow yourself to go insane, to get drunk with that ecstasy, you will be out of control, and this time even destiny would fail to bind your spirit! But you can't allow yourself, otherwise, everything that you've 'well-balanced' with great heartaches might get shattered apart, and you may never get another chance to gather all again! That's why you confined your spirit to the smallest possible dot in a way that you - yourself may never find it again! Like a 'childhood'! (despite the false hope to live it all once again!)

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